Upon further reflection, despite my grief over the loss of my wife’s companionship, I am beginning to appreciate that it was God’s gracious gift for her to precede me in passing on to glory. During the last few years, since the injuries she sustained in a fall in January 2013 and a subsequent fall in November 2015, both of which required trips to the hospital emergency room and admission to the hospital, followed by long and painful rehabilitations and a slow healing process, she had grown increasingly dependent on my assistance. She regained most of her mobility after the first fall, including progressing from a wheelchair to a walker and then to walking on her own, as well as being able to drive her car. After the second fall, although she again progressed remarkably in her mobility, her eyesight was degrading due to an unrelated condition, so she did not feel safe in driving her car and was less confident in her sense of balance when walking.

As a consequence, I began to drive her everywhere she needed to go and to hold her hand whenever she walked anywhere outside of our home. I became her almost constant companion and helper to the point of doing the laundry, the grocery shopping and preparing meals or securing takeout to bring home. Then, by the time we had endured the hassle of preparing our house for sale, packing, moving into a senior living facility and unpacking, her health had deteriorated to the point she once again needed a wheelchair. This provided her with sufficient mobility around the apartment, but I was needed to assist when we went anywhere else.

Finally, when she was hospitalized for the last time I was able to be with her every day up until the day she passed away. Despite my sorrow in being left alone after 54 years of experiencing life together with Mary, I now realize what a blessing it was for her to precede me. I am feeling lonelier than ever before, but I am glad that I did not leave her alone to fend for herself in the last days of her mortal life. I was able to be with her and see to her needs until she did not need me to anymore.

What a gracious gift from God that was. And I know that his grace will sustain me throughout the remainder of my life also. Praise the Lord!